{Team Jefferson} The Facebook Wedding
I do not want guests social networking at our wedding. There, I said it.
{photo by Tom Daly}
Don’t get me wrong– I love social media; I couldn’t live without social media. And social networking is crucial in the wedding business–it allows vendors to put themselves out there for brides and for brides to get inspiration from each other. This blog exists through social media. Without Twitter or Facebook or Pinterest or Instagram or whatever the trendy app is out there, I would be blogging for no audience.
But as wedding season took off over the past month, so too did another troublesome trend: wedding guests posting images from said weddings all over Facebook while the wedding was still going on. I’m sorry. What?
I understand that weddings nowadays are so detailed and hip and pretty, of course you want to share all the goodness of a wedding you’ve attended with your friends. And with the overwhelming popularity of wedding blogs out there, all we want to do is gawk (not necessarily in a bad way, but open-mouthed nonetheless) at everyone else’s wedding. I get it. I love to look at wedding albums on Facebook after a wedding is over. But AFTER is the key word. It pains me to see guests tweet or instagram images throughout the day: “Here’s the bride walking down the aisle.” “Here’s the bride and groom cutting the cake!” “Look, it’s a blurry image of the bride and groom dancing!” I’m sorry. But this is not your wedding to put on display. What ever happened to respecting a couple’s privacy?
{photo by Tom Daly}
Furthermore– what are you doing at this wedding that you have all this time to post and caption and tag images while the event is still going on? Were you seated at a boring table? Are you in the bathroom? Are you ignoring the toasts going on? Is it just not a fun wedding? Why are you wasting your time tweeting when your friends spent so much time and money to throw a celebration that they hoped you’d have fun at?
Maybe I’m crazy and maybe I’m alone in feeling this way– but at the end of the day, John and I are planning a celebration that we hope our guests will have an incredible time at. I’m not spending every night DIY-ing, and collaborating with the best of the best Cville vendors, and overthinking every detail just so you can ignore all the fun and stare at your phone throughout the night. We’re also hiring extremely competent professional photographers– artists who have spent their lives honing the skill of wedding and fine art photography. And– at the risk of sounding like a bitch– I want to be in control of what images do and do not get published from our weekend. Is that terrible?
Bloggers posting play-by-plays of their wedding planning is one thing; it’s their wedding, hence it’s their prerogative to showcase as much or as little as they want along the way. But as a guest, please have the courtesy to let the couple consummate their vows before you start posting your iPhone pictures!
Obviously, we cannot control who tweets or posts or tags throughout our wedding day. I’d love to confiscate everyone’s phone at the door, but that is veering into “crazy” mode. I know every bride thinks her wedding is so special– and it is! I just know I will be cringing if I log into my Facebook after the weekend is over and see a bunch of guests’ photos tagged of me.
Just know this: John and I will NOT be changing our relationship status from “engaged” to “married” at the altar.
Am I a terrible person for feeling this way? How did you handle guests’ photos and instagrams and whatnot on your wedding day?
June 20, 2012 at 10:30 pm, Annie said:
Well said. I think it’s easy to get caught up in documenting the day–whether through taking pictures or tweeting–and forgetting to experience it, even from a guest perspective. I don’t think people mean to distance themselves from experiencing the event in that way, but I support a move back to living in the moment, not tweeting from the side of the moment.
June 26, 2012 at 1:26 pm, MR said:
If you’re a blogger, you probably shouldn’t hate on social media, and if you want privacy, feel free to get off Facebook entirely. The photos you used for this post, without permission, show people using iPhones to take wedding pics, which is pretty mcuh standard practice these days. It doesn’t mean they’re posting mid-wedding. I am the person taking the pic in the first pic you use in this post, at one of my best friends’ weddings. I didn’t post it on FB mid-wedding, but the next day, when the bride and her sister in the photo as well as their mom, promptly requested it for framing.
June 26, 2012 at 1:29 pm, Maggie said:
Oh please. “I want to be in control of what images do and do not get published from our weekend. Is that terrible?” Yes it is. Your guests are there to celebrate you and your marriage, not be beholden to the fact that you spent “every night DIY-ing, and collaborating with the best of the best Cville vendors, and overthinking every detail.” They might actually *gasp* stop paying attention to actually take a picture or look at their phone…god forbid.
July 22, 2012 at 10:21 am, Jeannine @ Small and Chic said:
I was in the same boat as you months ago. In fact, I wrote a very similar post contemplating where I, working in social media, thought Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram belonged in my day.
Our officiant wound up asking people to turn off everything and I regret it now. I wish we had asked for phones to be turned off, but allowed cameras to be left on during our ceremony. We had a few photographers on our guest list and the two clandestine photos one took during our ceremony are hilarious. They’re a welcome addition to the more serious, romantic photos that our photographers took.
July 22, 2012 at 10:24 am, Jeannine @ Small and Chic said:
It was also lovely to wake up the next morning and see nice messages on Facebook from people we couldn’t get on our guest list. The wait for film is a long one and having guest photos makes the wait a little easier.