Confessional No.2
It’s the doldrums of winter and we’re at that awkward moment between winter and spring; some days, you can smell the springtime in the air and chilly mornings melt away into magically warm afternoons. But just when you start pushing your heavy coats to the back of the closet, you wake up to snow flurries and temps in the teens. Sigh. I hope you’re taking your daily dose of Vitamin D!
In my last confessional, I shared some insecurities and fears (some that I’m sure we all share) because it grows tiresome trying to project a perfect life day in and day out. I’m all for the power of positive thinking and “faking it til you make it,” but being real is usually the better policy. This month, I thought it would be nice to share some “yays” along with the nays– because there are times when being your own publicist is a good life strategy too. So. Some small victories–>
1. I’m loving my hair right now. Last month, I totally hated the short, scraggly haircut I was sporting. But a quick trip to a men’s stylist (such a good move) and weeks later, it’s growing out to a really pretty pixie that I am so in love with. John did catch me looking at a braid crown tutorial the other night and said, “It’s going to be two years before you can do that!” We will see, we will see…
2. I’m proud that I’ve always tried to stick to my beliefs. I’m sure you’ve all seen the controversy over the Weddings Unveiled same-sex marriage ad that was rejected (and their public apology today). It’s so sad that major publications choose $$ over readers (and their own ethics). Martha Stewart publishes same sex weddings and she’s certainly not hurting for advertising money! But everyone has to make their own personal and business decisions and I’m proud that Hook Weddings, small and local we may be, has been publishing same sex weddings for years now– when I took over as editor in the summer of 2010, I ran a same sex wedding in the very next issue. I’m excited for you to see the wedding of Amanda and Heather in Thursday’s issue!
3. I’m excited to be really investing in my business future. I’ve been finding new blog/marketing inspirations, signing up for mailing lists, reaching out to new people and professionals, making new friends, using connections I already have, and really diving in to all the projects I have on my to-do list. There are a lot of different directions I want to go in and I’m doing my research and gathering the tools I need to do things the right way. On days when I feel like I’ve been merely trolling the internet and not DOING anything, I step back and remind myself that you have to research and be confident in your market/world before big things can happen. I’m so grateful this month for the love and support of Jeannine Smith– a few powows with her completely changed my perspective on “where I am” in my life and career right now and refreshed and invigorated me to make things happen.
… and daily struggles–>
1. I’m so afraid of being left behind. This year, I’ve made a big commitment to my running career… and while I’m happy with the decisions I’ve made for my training, I’m constantly afraid of neglecting my wedding career. I want more than anything to do it all and all the time my training takes away from my wedding world leaves me anxious about being forgotten by those amazing friends and connections I’ve built over the past few years. Things change so quickly– what if I miss the boat?
2. My passion levels are low most days. Everything has been feeling like work lately. I get excited about a new project, write it all down, then immediately feel tired. Running feels like a chore more than an opportunity some days. I can’t keep up with my blog readers. I can’t keep up with Twitter. I buy new books and magazines and promise myself I’m going to relax and kick back with them– and I currently have a towering pile of unread material. I’m not quite sure what I should do to jolt back to life, but I really need to wake up out of this fuzzy funk.
3. Mental weakness is starting to affect me. I had a workout on Friday that was going to be really, really hard. I had to do 8 repetitions on the track and after 2, I was already hurting. My coach tried to keep me focused and I said, “I don’t want to do this.” So he walked out. I kept going, but my head had already defeated me. When we talked it out afterwards, I started crying. “I was good in college. I’m just not good anymore.” He insists it’s all just my attitude and my focus. I know he’s right, but it goes hand in hand with no. 2 above– I just can’t find any passion for running right now and merely going through the motions isn’t going to get me anywhere.
How are you feeling this month? Is there anything in particular you’re really proud of or anything you need to keep working on? Is the winter slump affecting anyone else but me?
{“A Winter Drive” images shot during a quick trip I took last week. I loved the cloudy sky and empty roads.}
